Why I Became An Artist

I have told this story many times before, but I realize that it's always to someone in person. Some of my biggest supporters live in far away places and we haven't met yet, so I would like to share my journey with you.

You may have seen my work already on Instagram or Etsy, and I share a little about each piece when I can. But I deliberately became an artist and each work that I create has a passion and purpose behind it.

Back in 2014 I was a stay at home mom. I loved my role, but wanted to know if there was more for me in this world. I felt like all I was doing was mothering, and it wasn't the great impact that I wanted to make in the world. I wanted my daughter to be proud of me in some way. Can you relate?

Within my motherhood journey I began to grow closer to God. I started attending a bible study for moms at my church and I wanted to become a spiritually better person for my daughter. In my search for purpose I decided to involve God. I asked Him what He wanted to do with my life, and as I continued to seek God I finally found Him.

One day God told me he wanted me to be an artist. It was random for me. I went to college for fashion design, but never finished. I took one drawing class. I never really thought about pursuing a career in art. Where would I start? What does being an artist even mean? Overwhelmed with all the questions that I had, I told God, "I really don't have time to be an artist and figure out what that is. I'm a mom and wife, where would I find the time?" and He said to me," You can just sleep less."

From that point on I began to get up at 3am and paint with God. Everyone was asleep in my house and it was the perfect time to spend a quiet moment with Him. I would turn on worship music or a sermon and learned the basics of painting via youtube. I learned different techniques and experimented with portraits, landscapes, and abstract art. I felt that since God said He wanted me to be an artist then that meant I could only paint Christian things like scriptures, or bibles. I put myself in a box.

I started posting my work on social media so I could get some feedback. I ended up landing my first commission! I was asked to paint Jesus, which I thought was pretty coincidental. I was so excited after the meeting about the project that I got right to work. I ended up spending 60+ hours on the painting. I put everything I had into it. I was so proud to show it to my clients. When I sent a picture, they were not pleased. They asked me to make a few changes and I did, and showed them again. They still didn't like it. I suggested they see it in person, maybe the pics didn't do it justice. After seeing it in person they decided to back out and were no longer interested in the painting. I was devastated.

After that I felt so crushed and it caused me to question God. Why would he lead me down this road only to embarrass me? How was I supposed to have the confidence to keep going after this? Why did this have to happen on my very first try? I felt stuck in that moment of rejection, so much so that I stopped painting. I felt like I was unable to get to the other side of the hurt.